User blog:Mirai Ender/Re-Riff: Sonic.exe.
This is a riff of Dorkpools riff on sonic.exe. My comments are italicized in parentheses. Lets begin. I'm a total Sonic the Hedgehog fan much like everyone else, Wait, everyone else is a total fan of Sonic? Apparently I’m not included in that list. I like the newer games, but I don't mind playing the classics. Why do I feel like this guy likes Sonic ’06? (I have that feeling too) I don't think I've ever played glitchy or hacked games before(*ahem* Sonic 06?), though I don't think I want to play any after the experience I had... “A sexual experience.”(Why would that make a better story?) It started on a nice summer afternoon, I was playing Sonic Unleashed (I liked how you get to explore the towns in it That detail was totally necessary.) until I noticed, out of my peripheral vision, that the mailman had arrived and put something in my mailbox as usual and left. I paused my game to go see what I got in the mail... “A bag with dog poop in it. Real classy.” The only thing in the Mailbox was a CD case for computers and a note. “Don’t play this, dumbass.” I took it inside. I looked at the note first and realized it was from my dear friend Kyle (Let's just call him that “His real name’s Edgar.”), whom I hadn't heard from in 2 weeks. I know that because I recognized his handwriting, though what was weird is how it looked; it looked badly written and scratchy and somewhat difficult to read, as if Kyle was having a hard time writing it down and did it in a hurry. Then how did you recognize it? I’m pretty sure hand writing deciphering doesn’t work like that. This is what he wrote... “WARNING: THIS CD CONTAINS A BAD CREEPYPASTA. DON’T PLAY.” "Tom, I can't take it anymore, I had to get rid of this thing somehow before it was too late, and I was hoping you'd do it for me. “I’m much too lazy to do it myself.” I can't do it, he’s after me, and if you don't destroy this CD, he'll come after you too, he's too fast for me.... “Oh, God, it’s the Flash, he’s going to kill me!” Please Tom, destroy this god-forsaken disc before he comes after you too, it's too late for me. Seriously, Tom, destroy the thing so that I can get this Riff over with. Destroy the disc, and you'll destroy him, but do it quick otherwise he'll catch you. “He’ll chase you ‘round the moons or Nibia, and ‘round the Antares maelstrom, and ‘round Perdition’s flames before he gives you up!” Don't even play the game, it's what he wants, just destroy it. $50 says he’s going to play the game. Please... Kyle" Well, that was certainly weird. You think? Even though Kyle IS my best friend and I haven't seen him in 2 weeks, I didn't do what he asked me. Any sympathy I may have had for you flew right out the door. Oh well, at least I'm $50 richer. I didn't think that a simple gaming disc would do anything bad to him, after all it's just a game right? You’re in a horror story. What do you think? Boy, was I wrong about that... Spoiler alert, man! (And Tense Reverse, now the story is in real time.) ANY way, I looked at the disc and it looks like any ordinary computer CD-R disc, except “it said BIONICLE: Legends of Mata Nui. Huh.” it had black marker on it written "SONIC.EXE", and it was much unlike Kyle's handwriting, meaning that he must've gotten it from someone else, like a pawn shop or eBay. Or Satan. When I saw "SONIC" on the writing of the CD, I was actually excited and wanted to play it, since I'm a a(Y’know when I was typing this, I thought that was an accident on my part, it wasn’t. Great spelling Tom!) BIG Sonic fan. “I was so excited that I wet my pants!” I went up to my room and turned on my computer and put the disc in and installed the game. Yes, that’s it. Install the game on your computer that your best friend told you not to install. That being said, this is the same best friend who sent you a haunted CD, so maybe he’s not that trustworthy. When the title screen popped up I noticed that it was the first Sonic game, I was like "Awesome!" You were like? Oh, please, someone kill me now. Because like I said earlier I liked the classics.Actually, you said you didn’t mind playing them. The first thing I noticed that was out of place was when I pressed start, there's was a split second when I saw the title image turned into something much different, something that I now consider horrifying, before cutting to black. That image: JeffxSlendy yaoi fan art.(OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOD) I remember what the image looked like in that split second before the game cut to black; The sky had darkened, the title emblem was rusted and ruined, the SEGA 1991 was now instead SEGA 666 Subtle., and the water had turned red, like blood, except it looked hyper-realistic. Every time the words “hyper-realistic” are used, let’s take a shot. But the freakiest thing that was in that split second frame was Sonic, his eyes were pitch black and bleeding with two glowing red dots staring RIGHT AT ME Of course, this is nothing like “Squidward’s Suicide.”, of course, and his smile had stretched wider up to the edge of his face. Ok, now you’re stealing from “Jeff the Killer”? Have you no shame? I was rather disturbed about that image when I saw it, though I figured that it was just a glitch and forgot about it. Yes, it’s probably a glitch. Your best friend told you to destroy the game, and made it very clear that the thing made him fear for his life. So, naturally, when there’s an image of Sonic: Satan Edition, what do you do? Continue playing. I hope you die soon. After it cut to black it stayed like that for about 10 seconds or so. And then another weird thing happened This story got good?(I wish), the save file select from Sonic the Hedgehog 3 popped up, and I was like "WTF? What's this doing in the first Sonic game?"Two things: first, that’s probably there either to 1) show that this game is evil and possessed or what not, or 2) irritate me. Also, WTF? Really? You used that in a story as dialogue? Are you begging me to hate this story?, anyway, then I notice something off, the background was the dark cloudy sky of the Bad Stardust Speedway level from Sonic CD, and there were only three save files. Let me guess: one of them says BEN. The music was that creepy Caverns of Winter music from Earthbound(is this story stealing music and graphics from other games,please kill me now!), only it was extended and seemed to have been in reverse. Music from a game playing in reverse? Totally not stolen from “BEN Drowned.” Hey, let’s play a different drinking game: every time this story steals from a different one, take a shot. If you’ll excuse me, I need to take three shots. And the image for the save file where you see a preview of the level you're on is just red static for all three files. What freaked me out more was the character select, it showed only Tails, Knuckles and to my surprise, Dr. Robotnik! Now I was sure that something was up, I mean, how can you play as Robotnik in a classic Sonic game, for crying out loud? Hacks! That's when I realized that this wasn't a glitchy game(you don’t say?), it was a hacked game. Took you long enough. Yeah it definitely looked hacked, it was really creepy, but as a smart gamer Wait, you’re smart? Could've fooled me., I wasn't scared (or at least I tried not to be), I told myself that it was just a hacked game and there's nothing wrong with that. Except for all the demonic glitches the hack creates. Anyways, shaking off the creeped out feeling I picked File 1 and chose Tails and when I selected and got started. “My best friend tells me to destroy this game, and is seems hacked and evil. Let me play it!” The game froze for about 5 seconds and I heard a creepy pixelated laugh that sounded an awful lot like that Kefka guy from Final Fantasy( yet again, stealing from other sources )before cutting to black. Stop ruining other games. Please. The screen stayed black for about 10 seconds or more, then it showed the typical level title thing “typical level title thing” What beautiful and descriptive writing., except the simplistic shapes were different shades of red and the text showed only "HILL, ACT 1". Really? Not Act 666? Go figure. The screen faded in and the level title vanished revealing Tails in the Green Hill Zone from Sonic 1, the music was different though, it sounded like a peaceful melody in reverse. Reversed music from “BEN Drowned.” Take a shot. Anyway I started playing and had Tails start running like you would in any of the classic Sonic games, what was odd was that as Tails was running along the level there was nothing but flat ground and a few trees for 5 minutes, Well, at least the level is easy. that was when the peaceful music started to lower down into slow deep tones very slowly as I kept going. The music hit puberty, I guess. I suddenly saw something and I stopped to see what it was; it was one of the small animals lying dead on the ground bleeding AND NOW I’M LYING ON THE COLD HARD GROUND! TROUBLE, TROUBLE. (That was when the music started to slow down Good to know), Tails had a shocked and saddened look on his face that I never saw him have before It’s probably the same look I have on my face while reading this. Scratch that. My face probably has a disgusted look on it., so I had him move along AND EVEN WHEN YOUR HOPE IS GONE, MOVE ALONG JUST TO MAKE IT THROUGH!, and he kept that worried look on his face. As he kept moving I saw more dead animals PETA’s going to be pissed as Tails moved past them looking more and more worried as the music lowers and he moves past more dead animals, I was shocked to see how they all died, they looked like somebody killed them in rather gruesome ways; a squirrel was hanged on a tree with what appeared to be his entrails hanging out, Exposed entrails from “Squidward’s Suicide.” Take a shot. a bunny had all four of his limbs torn off and a duck had his eyes gouged out Eyes ripped out, also from “Squidward’s Suicide.” Take a shot. and his throat slit. I felt sick to my stomach when I saw this massacre and apparently so did Tails.(how can you know? Its in 16bit if its supposedly in the original game) I feel sick to my stomach reading this. After a few more seconds there were no more animals and the music seemed to have stopped, I still kept Tails to continue. You still kept Tails to continue? Ugh. Listen, writer, please go back to your day job. After a minute passed after the music stopped, Tails was running up a hill and then he stopped, it wasn't until I saw why; Sonic was there on the other side of the screen with his back against Tails with his eyes closed. Did he have a leather jacket on with a cigarette in his mouth? Tails looked happy to see Sonic but then his smile faltered, obviously noticing that Sonic wasn't responding to him, if not acting as if he was totally oblivious of Tails' presence. I wish I could act oblivious to all of this, but since you seem to like my smartass commentary, I guess I can’t. Tails walked slowly toward Sonic, and I noticed that I wasn't even moving my keyboard to make him move, so this had to have been a cut scene. Well, skip the damn thing.(Why are there cutscenes in a 16bit games, let alone ones with this much detail.) Suddenly I began to have a growing feel (spelling error number 2) dread as Tails walked closer to Sonic to get his attention, I felt that Tails was in danger and something bad was going to happen. Something bad already happened: he’s in this story. I heard faint static growing louder Static from most everything Slender Man is in. Take a shot. as Tails was but inches away from Sonic and stopped and stuck his hand out to touch him. “Tails,” Sonic said, putting his hand on Tails’ shoulder. “you are a disappointment to me.” That foreboding feeling in my gut was growing stronger and I felt the urge to tell Tails to get away from Sonic as the static grew louder. “Soon the static became very loud, and then Slender Man’s head appeared. And before I got all 8 pages, too.” Suddenly in a split second I saw Sonic's eyes open and they were black with those red glowing dots, Black eyes with red dots for pupils, from “Squidward’s Suicide.” Take a shot! Sheesh, at this rate, I’ll be drunk by the time this is done. just like that title image, thought there wasn't a smile. When that happened the screen turned black and the static sound was off. It stayed black for about 7 seconds and then white text appeared forming a message, saying, "Hello. Do you want to play with me?" “Do you want to build a snowman?” At this point I was creeped out, I didn't want to continue with the game, Please don’t continue. but my curiosity got the better of me when I was taken to a different level with the level title now saying "HIDE AND SEEK". Was it a sewer level? This time I was in the Angel Island level from Sonic 3 and it looked like everything was on fire. This is why we shouldn’t piss off the Human Torch.(God dammit Natsu) Tails looked as though he was scared out of his wits this time. He actually looked at me and made frantic gestures to me as if he wanted to get out of the area he was in as fast as possible. Tails, you are not Deadpool. Don’t break the fourth wall. I was starting to get freaked out by this...I mean Tails was actually breaking the fourth wall, trying to tell me to get him out of there. Your friend told you not to play this game, there are screwed up murderous glitches, and now the CHARACTER YOU’RE PLAYING AS IS TELLING YOU TO STOP. I think you should listen to them, dumbass. So I pressed down on the arrow key as hard as I could and made him run as fast as he could I’m going to quote the Goddamn Batman here ask, “What, are you dense? Are you retarded or something?”, a pixelated version of that creepy theme when you meet Shadow at the ARK Ark, from “Marble Hornets.” Yeah, I don’t care if that actually is from Sonic, I’m still taking a shot. Maybe if I’m drunk off my ass, I can enjoy this. as Robotnik from SA2 was playing as I made Tails trek through the desolate forest, trying to help him escape from whatever he was trying to run from. Suddenly I heard that creepy laugh again... that awful, Kefka laugh Is it more awful than this story?... right after 10 seconds have passed as I helped Tails run through the forest''(RUN RUN RUNAWAY, RUN AWAY BABY!), and then I started seeing flashes of Sonic popping everywhere on the screen, again with those black and red eyes. Should I take a shot? On the one hand, I already took a shot for the Squidward eyes. On the other, alcohol is my friend here. Fuck it, I’m taking a shot. The music changed to that suspenseful drowning jingle as I see Sonic behind Tails slowly gaining up on him FLYING; Sonic wasn't running, he was actually FLYING!SONIC IS YOUR GOD NOW! KNEEL BEFORE THE POWER OF FLYING SONIC! The flying pose his sprite was making looked very similar to Metal Sonic's flying pose in Sonic CD, except it was just Sonic and he had the black and red eyes again, only THIS time he had the most deranged looking grin on his face, he looked as though he was enjoying the torment he was giving the poor little fox as he gained up on him. I feel like you’re enjoying the torment that this story is giving me. Suddenly when Tails tripped (another cut scene) the music stopped and Sonic vanished. Tails laid there and started crying for 15 seconds. Main fictional character crying, also from “Squidward’s Suicide.” Taking a shot. The scene was rather upsetting to watch and I kind of teared up myself.(Why? Its a fictional game character!) But then Sonic appeared right in front of Tails and Tails looked up in horror. Glad to know someone is actually scared of this Crappypasta. Blood started to come down those blackened eyes of Sonic's Blood leaking out the eyes, also from “Squidward’s Suicide.” Seriously, is this guy in love with that story or something? Whatever. Taking a shot. as a grin slowly grew from his face as he looked down at the horrified fox, I could do nothing but watch. You could, I don’t know, STOP PLAYING THE FUCKING GAME.(It would be a bit better if they gave a reason he can’t stop playing) Just in a split second Sonic lunged at Tails right before the screen went black, there was a loud screeching noise that only lasted 5 seconds. Game ending with loud screeching/static noise, from Slender. Sure, it’s a stretch, but hey, booze! The text returned only this time it said "You're too slow, want to try again?" Gotta go fast! You’re too slow! and then that god-awful laugh came with it. I was so shocked by what had happened...did Sonic murder Tails? Bitch, he might have. No, he couldn't have... He and Tails are supposed to be best friends, right?Your best friend sent you a haunted game. In this story, friendship means nothing.(Friendship is not magic) Why did Sonic do that to him? I shook the shock off as I was brought back to the character select, the save file that had Tails was different; Tails was no longer in the box itself but in the TV screen itself, which was flickering with that red static, Tails' expression scared me, his eyes were black and bleeding, Black and bleeding eyes, from “Squidward’s…”, ah, fuck it, taking a shot. his orange fur had gone black and he had an expression of anguish on his face, Trying to ignore it I picked Knuckles next. ARE YOU FUCKING BRAIN DEAD? WHAT HAS TO HAPPEN TO MAKE YOU STOP PLAYING THIS FUCKING GAME? You know, I thought “Slender Man Vs. Eyeless Jack was the story that angered me the most. Well, this one is giving that story a run for its money.(I still hate “Pythors suicide” more, but its up there) The laugh came again and the screen cut to black again and stayed there for another 10 seconds, this time the level said "YOU CAN'T RUN". “HOWEVER, YOU CAN DANCE. IN FACT, YOU CAN DANCE, YOU CAN DANCE, YOU CAN LEAVE YOUR FRIENDS BEHIND. BECAUSE YOUR FRIENDS DON’T DANCE AND THEY SEND YOU HAUNTED CDS.” I was really freaked out by now, I couldn't really tell if this was a glitch, or a hack, or some kind of sick twisted joke... or anything really. I can tell you what it is: crappy. But despite my fear of what happened next, I kept playing. There are multiple levels of stupid. For a while, I thought the lowest level was Sarah Palin. But somehow, you’re on a level of stupidity far lower that Sarah Palin. Yeah, you make SARAH FUCKING PALIN look smart.( Hell, He makes TheSuperSwagsters look like fuckin Einstein.) The next level looked much different “It had unicorns and ponies and rainbows.”(I’d Wish), it had the ground of the Scrap Brain zone, but the sky background looked like the main menu; it had the dark reddish cloudy sky. But it was the music that creeped me out the most: It sounded like Giygas' theme right after you beat Pokey in Earthbound.(DorkPool missed this so, Giygas from the theory, Take a Shot) I also noticed that Knuckles looked afraid just like Tails did, though not as much, more rather he looked a little unnerved. He broke the fourth wall just like Tails and looked as if he wasn't sure about going on, but I made him move anyway. You fucking sadist.(And I thought Lil’ Miss Rarity was a sadistic bastard.) He ran down the straight pathway in this dark level, and as he did the screen started to flicker red static Static in a game from Slender. Take a shot! a couple times and then that maddening laugh came again. Then after a few seconds of running I notice several bloodstains on the metallic ground, I felt a growing sense of fear again thinking something horrible is going to happen to Knuckles. And, rather than do the smart thing and stop playing, you keep on playing the fucked up game. I hate you so very, very much. He looked nauseated walking down this blood-stained road, but I still kept him going. For a fan of Sonic, you sure do hate his side characters, don’t you?(I was wondering this as well) Suddenly as Knuckles ran, Sonic appeared right in front of him with those black and red eyes and then red static appeared again, when the static vanished showing nothing but black screen with text saying "FOuNd YOu!" Oh, come on, that’s not how you do the alternating capital lowercase/letter thing. Doomsayer, show this jackass how it’s done. WiTh PlEaSuRe. ThIs, YoU mOrOn, Is HoW iT iS dOnE. Thank you. , I was now scared, Sonic found Knuckles already?! What was going on?! Terrible writing. Anyway red static came again and then I was back to the level, Knuckles looked like he was panicking, and Sonic was nowhere to be found. And this time that high-pitched squealing from the Silent Hill 1's final boss was playing. I thought Silent Hill had sirens. Was this some kind of boss battle with Sonic? I hoped to God it wasn't, honestly. I do too, simply so that this will end earlier. Suddenly Sonic appeared right behind Knuckles in what appeared to be pixelated black smoke, I made Knuckles turn and then punch Sonic, but Sonic vanished in black pixelated smoke before I could even land a hit, that terrible laugh went off again. Sonic, stop trolling people with a disappearing act. You’re not Slender Man. Oh, and speaking of which, take a shot. Then Sonic appeared behind Knuckles again and then I made him punch again, and Sonic vanished again laughing. Knuckles was panicking even more, and even I felt like I was going crazy, Oh, you too? Sonic was practically playing with us, he was playing a sick twisted little mind game with me and Knuckles... Screwing with victims, from whatever Slender Man is a part of. Take a shot. Another cut scene played as Knuckled fell to his knees and clutched his head sobbing, I felt his agony, Sonic was actually driving us BOTH crazy. And you’re driving me crazy.( Eh, I lost my sanity a long time ago.) And then in a split second Sonic lunged at Knuckles and the screen went black with another distorted screeching noise that lasted for at least 3 seconds.(What? Do you have a stopwatch) Another text message appeared, "So many souls to play with, so little time... would you agree?" (Shang Tsung much?)Not really, no. But what do I know? What the hell... Just what is going on? Bad writing. Wait, have I used this joke before? Well, if I have, I don't care, because this needs to be reiterated.(Agreed) I started to think Sonic was actually trying to talk to me through the game... But I was too scared to think that. “I thought that…but I was too scared to think that.” You make no sense.(Maybe he wrote that in hindsight, Oh wait, He forgot he was writing in past tense) I was brought back to the main menu and this time the second file box had Knuckles in the TV screen, his red fur had darkened to a reddish grey, his dreadlocks were dripping with blood and his eyes were black and bleeding too, and he had a look of sadness on his face. I began to think that those are the actual characters trapped in those TV screens on the save files, but I couldn't believe it... I didn't want to believe it... Believe it, dumbass. So I shut off the game and took a break. I took a nap, wish I hadn't, 'cause I then began to have the most disturbing nightmare, I am too. It involves me reading this story called “Sonic.exe”…wait, oh no, it’s real!(Lets hope Freddy Krueger kills this idiot) I was in pitch black darkness, though I was under the light given off by a lamp that hung high above my head. I could hear the cries of Knuckles and Tails nearby. They were saying stuff like, "Help us..." and "Why did you give us to him?" and "Run away, before he gets you too..." Also, “This is painful!”, “I want pie!” and “HAIL HYDRA!”(“Who turned out the lights” and “LEROY JENKINS!”) Their cries died out as I then heard Sonic laugh, his laugh... it sounded a lot like the distorted Kefka laugh. "You're a lot fun to play with kid, just like your friend Kyle, though he didn't last long..." “Seriously, that guy needs to think of more dead puppies and baseball.” I was scared and looking around for the source of the voice... "Won't be long now until you join him and all my other friends..." “We’re going to have so much fun together! We're going to go to the park, maybe go ice skating, then go to Hell! Weeee!”(“ Yet Again, that would make a better story”) I saw him walking toward me, flickering in and out in several directions... "You can't run, kid. You're in my world now. Just like the others..." (HE IS RIPPING OFF FREDDY KRUEGER, SOMEONE USE A HADOUKEN ON ME NOW) When he grabbed me and I saw his bleeding black and red-eyed, grinning face, I woke up with a fright. Main antagonist gives victims nightmares, like Slender Man. Take a shot. After a couple of hours I decided to continue playing the game. I don’t know why, but I had to know, I had to figure out why this was happening... NO, YOU DON’T, YOU FUCKING MORON. So I turned on the computer, turned on the game and selected Robotnik next. I literally just put my head in my hands and whimpered. I still thought that was wacky, playing as Robotnik, but anyway the level title appeared again and this time it said "...", which I found really freaky. Oh, that’s what you find really freaky? Not the note from your friend, or the hellish levels, or the characters breaking the fourth wall to tell you not to play the game, or the nightmares, but that? Ugh.(This is actually one of the problems with the story, the main character is a retard.) This time I was in some kind of hallway, didn't really look like it was from any of the classic Sonic games, though it has the pixelated style; the floor was shiny and checkered, the walls were a dark greyish purple with animated candlelight’s and a few dark bloodstains here and there, and there was a dark red curtain hanging above on the top part of the screen. Curtain in a game from some Mario game. Taking a shot now. Every 12 seconds or so that red curtain sways very slowly, but whenever you're playing the game you can barely see it move.(ITS 16 BIT!) The music was oddly pleasant, a piano playing a rather sad yet peaceful song, but I knew better, this was the song that played in Hill act 1, only it wasn't in reverse. Wow, a song in a haunted game not in reverse. That’s new.(I actually would like a story like that!) Robotnik didn't look entirely nervous like Tails and Knuckles did, but he did have a suspicious look on his face as if he was just a bit paranoid. Robotnik has Robotballs. Kudos. He did a little animation when I just left him standing, he turns his head to the left and then to the right at least twice and then shrugs at me, as if he has no idea where he was or what was going on. Even though I was scared outta my mind about what was going to happen, THEN DON’T PLAY THE GAME.I had Robotnik continue onward. You imbecilic sadist. He did his usual running animation (You know, when you've beaten him at the end of a classic Sonic game and you chase him Actually, I don’t. I really don’t play Sonic games, and after reading this, I never want to ever again.(I don’t blame ya)) as we continued going through the hallway. Then I stop at a long flight of stairs leading downward, now I was nervous, even Robotnik seemed unsure of himself, though I pressed onward. As I led Robotnik down the stairs, I noticed that the walls have gotten darker and more reddish; the red torches are now an eerie blue. Wow, something’s not red. Nifty. Then we landed onto another hallway, this one was longer than the last one (or at least it felt like it) and then we headed down another flight of stairs down, this one was much longer, took at least 1 full minute.(“I used my special time skill cause i am a time lord” No you’re not, you are a bad writer) And then I heard that horrid Kefka laugh again and then the music slowly faded until it was quiet, as it did the walls turned more dark red and the torches were a black flame now. When Robotnik landed onto the 3rd hallway, I noticed he now looked really creeped out, though he tried to hide it, I couldn't blame him, I was scared too. Again, don’t play the game…ah, whatever, this is almost done. Suddenly, Sonic popped right in front of Robotnik the same way he did Knuckles and then red static. The red static lasted for about 15 second and then it showed me a most unpleasant image... "Erotic Spideypool fanart."(Better than this) (Now, I must admit that the actual picture did scare me, but how they executed it here is just bad) The image showed a hyper-realistic Take a shot. of Sonic standing in the darkness where you can only see his face while his head and torso faded into black, and when I say hyper-realistic Take a shot., I mean like he looked so real you could actually see the lines in his blue fur, as if you could actually feel the fur if you touched the screen. His face...oh god, he had the most horrifying smile I had ever seen. And that's saying something considering I saw that image at the start of the game. Yeah, I did too. Not very scary. His eyes are wide and black and once again crying blood Crying blood from “Squidward’s Suicide.” Take a shot. (Which also looked hyper-realistic ''(ARE YOU KIDDING ME! YOU FORCED THAT IN. This story is a torture device)''Take a shot.) and there were two small glowing red dots in those black eyes staring RIGHT AT ME, as if staring into my mind. His grin was wide and demonic, it literally stretched to the sides of his face like a Cheshire Cat except Sonic had fangs, The world isn’t a vampire. Sonic is a vampire. VERY SHARP fangs "So sharp that they made me write those words in all caps., much like the Werehog's teeth except more vicious-looking, somewhat yellowish and from the look of it, he had stains of blood and small bits of flesh on his lips and fangs as if he ate some animal. Did it taste good? I stared at that gruesome image for a good 30 seconds, never taking my eyes off it, I felt as if he was actually looking at me, smiling at me...that face, it just took 10 seconds for it to etch itself into my brain for good. You have a brain? Could’ve fooled me.(I thought he was a unprogrammed A.I.) Then the screen flickered with red static again 3 times, and on the 3rd time I heard the Kefka laugh, except this time it sounded distorted, demonic even... You mean it wasn’t demonic before? It went back to the image again except this time there was the text again though it was messed up, but it was pretty much one of the most horrifying things I looked at since I had this game... "I AM GOD." This is why I’m an atheist. Also, Sonic made my joke serious. Fuck you. It was when I read that message while looking at Sonic when it hit me, I realized right there and then. Yes? This Sonic was a monster, a pure evil, sadistic, all-powerful, nightmarish, demented monster Like the writer of this story, except not all-powerful... and all of his victims, including Tails, Knuckles, Robotnik and possibly Kyle, are just his little toys, and the game is the very gateway into his chaotic, nightmarish world and the very Hell his victims are trapped in. Lovely. Suddenly in an actual split second I screamed as Sonic lunged at the screen screeching loudly That’s from Five Nights At Freddy’s. I don’t care if this is older than that game, still taking a shot. with his mouth wide open to an unnatural length revealing nothing but a literally spiraling abyss of pure darkness before the red static came again, this time much louder and distorted, so loud that it hurt my ears, I yelled and grabbed my ears as the red static screeched for a good 7 seconds.(''How the heck do you measure time that accurately when in clear pain?) Then it stopped and showed nothing but black screen. As I sat there staring at the black screen, one last text came up. “Thermonuclear war.”(BEST LINE EVER) "Ready for Round 2, Tom?" Probably. This nitwit hasn’t learned a damn thing.(*In a Shao Kahn voice* ROUND 2, Fight! I wish) The Kefka laugh, now sounding more clear as if Sonic was right behind me, played again 3 times as I looked at that text in shock and confusion.(Why don't you run if it sounded like it was behind you?) Then I got booted back to the main menu and this time the third save file had a TV image of Robotnik in the same, tormented state as Tails and Knuckles; Robotnik's skin turned a dull grey, his mustache drooped and had blackened, his glasses broke and blood is coming from them and he had a mere dead like expression on his face. Good job, genius! I looked at Tails, Knuckles and Robotnik and I cried a bit, I pitied them for the agony they're going through, they were forever trapped within the game, forever tormented by that horrid hedgehog, and always will be. And I will forever be tormented by the memory of this story. Then the computer shut itself off, I couldn't turn it back on no matter what I did. Even the computer doesn’t want you playing the game. I sat there for maybe 25 seconds, horrified by what had just happened... Sonic is the very embodiment of evil, he tortures people who play his game in more ways than one and then when he gets bored he drags you into the game, literally drags you to Hell Wow, I didn’t know Sonic ’06 was that bad., where he can play with you always, as his toy.... New victim toy, with Kung-Fu grip!(Available at your nearest Toys r’ Death) I can't get the game outta my computer. I think it's stuck in there, but at least I managed to turn it back on now. After I sat there for 25 seconds I heard a voice right behind me, like a whisper... "Try to keep this interesting for me, Tom." Please don’t let this get into rape territory.(Thanks for that image) I turned around to see where the voice came from, and what I saw made me scream... Sitting on my bed... staring right at me... “Was Shia LeBouf.”(SHIA SURPRISE B*tch) ... Was a Sonic plushie, smiling with bloodstains under its eyes. GOOD. YOU FUCKING DESERVE THAT, YOU FUCKNIG DUMBASS. I usually try not to get very angry during my Riffs, or drink during them. But this story made me do both. It's just so...stupid. Most of the ideas are from other things ("Squidward's Suicide" especially), and what is original is downright idiotic. I don't know if I hate this story more that "Slender Man Vs. Eyeless Jack", but I do know that I despise them both quite a bit. Thanks for your evaluation. I got beef with this story. Why did he steal other assets from other stories, games, whatever? Why were there detail in a 16 bit game? I feel as if the story shot itself by choosing the first Sonic and using other assets. The cliches are non-stop, if they loosened up on the cliches, it would be less awful. If they didn’t choose the first Sonic and used less cliches and had proofreading and a reason for the protagonist to keep playing, It would be ok. You want to know why? A FAN REMAKE DID THIS. Yes, GuardianMobius’s “Sonic.exe Darkest Struggle” is proof that this story can be good and have great quality, the quality that the original had destroyed. Thanks to DorkPool for letting me re-riff his riff. Go check him out. See ya later. Category:Blog posts